Appreciation

Traditionally, October is Pastor Appreciation Month. I've never really taken the time to publicly thank the Pastor in my life for being my Pastor, because, well, most of the time, I think of my Pastor as my husband...because HE IS!!

Just yesterday, I sat and talked with my husband, also Pastor, about what God speaks to him and how God walks with Jeff through each day. You see, I have this perception of Jeff that he always has his act together - that he never really needs encouraging or uplifting. It's not that I don't do these things, even, but I probably don't go FULL OUT when it comes to doing those things because he is always so confident. The truth is, though, that he needs to be encouraged, thanked, and prayed for as much as the next person.

Let me tell you what I have a front seat row to everyday being married to my Pastor. He begins his day a little earlier everyday just so he and I can spend time praying together for one another, for our girls, and for you, LifeSong Church. He starts his day off as a husband by telling me each day that he thinks I'm beautiful (and for someone who does not see themselves this way, you have no idea how special those last words are to me everyday) and then he carries on to his next priority by taking our girls to school, and guess what the last thing is he says to our girls...Yep, he tells them they are beautiful! I know this because my daughters have told me how much that means to them. He then moves on to his office at LifeSong, but you can pretty much count on him not being content on staying in the office all day because he likes to hang out with people. I know this because #1, I know that he first spends time in that office of his praying his heart out for the people God has put in our life, and #2, I watched him cry last night as he spoke of nothing tearing his heart out more than seeing people come to know Christ. He lives each day with an urgency to see that NO ONE die without Christ. I am sure that even I don't understand the intensity that he feels about this, but know this to be true...HE CARES FOR YOU!

God gave Jeff a vision for LifeSong Church probably even in the first place he ever pastored. He would spend most days walking around praying in the cemetery beside the church, and it was there that it became apparent and URGENT that he do all he can to see that everyone hears the message that "Jesus Loves YOU", and "love your neighbor as yourself." He faced a lot of growing up at that church, and even the one that followed, but never have I seen him allow trial and hardship to deter him from that passion to see men and women saved. It's never been a time that neither he, nor I, look back on with regret because God has to use things in our lives to make us stronger and more ready to face the challenge and joy of planting a new work in LifeSong Church.

I know that for our family that God has allowed us to meet so many people in our ministry that often Jeff and I find ourselves so lacking in the time that we fully get to spend with everyone, but let me assure you that you will never find a more loving, compassionate, more SOLD OUT cheerleader than your Pastor, and I get to be along for a great ride of enjoying all of the same! We love you dearly. We love you for allowing us to grow up and learn with you, make mistakes right in front of you, and see God carry out a vision by allowing a man named Jeff Hickman to be used for Him in some small way.

Finally, I am very thankful for the four other men of God that compile a team of Pastors that, from my perspective, make my husband an even better man, so, for Larry, I am thankful to see in you a friend that holds Jeff accountable and loves him deeply...for Brian, I'm thankful that you are detailed enough to be the "nuts and bolts" guy that Jeff so fondly calls you (and depends on to keep him straight!) and for being a heart that is willing to do whatever it takes...for Allan, I'm thankful that you love Jeff with the love of a brother and the dedication of a friend...for Tim, I'm thankful for you being the Pastor's Pastor! You are like the Daddy that encourages his son to give it his all, and you make Jeff want to be a better man and father. For each of you men, I celebrate you today.

So, Pastor Jeff, I am MORE than appreciative for you in this, the month of celebrating Pastors! I am completely in AWE of you and your heart for me, our girls and for others, but my Love, it is the heart you have for JESUS that slays me the most. Today you are loved and today you are prayed for...that you may, each day, become more and more a "man after God's own heart."

Cheeks Hurt

You ever been so happy, and smile so much, that your cheeks hurt? I love that feeling when you just have happiness all around you that you can't help but smile all of the time. Sometimes you may not even physically smile on the outside, but you are overflowing with joy on the inside. I tell ya...I have so felt that way lately. The crazy thing is, I wouldn't necessarily say I've felt happy 24/7. There's been bad moods to deal with (mine, not anyone else's!), sickness in the house, lots to do, and a whole lot of spiritual warfare all around. I've been reading a great book (which I'll write more about later on) that has just already transformed some thinking patterns I've held on to, that well, I'm just sick of holding on to. If you've read my blog lately (which I know millions of you are! Ha!) you know that I have spent a long while just stewing over everything. I've been BITTER! I had absolutely NO reason to stay bitter, but I decided I liked it there, so there I stayed. So dumb, really! No one else was miserable but me. It was time to make a change. It was time to say, "Hey, God, this whole control I've been trying to steal from YOU...YOU take it back! I don't want it!" I don't always succeed at that, but God is showing me that when I decide that He's in control, there's a whole lot less worry, and a whole lot more happiness and joy. As a result, there's a sweeter time in my home, in my friendships and most of all in my relationship with Christ. He's showing me things and putting people in my life that have completely encouraged and transformed me. The last few weeks, I have laughed more and learned more in a long time, and how amazing to be able to do that even in the midst of stuff that isn't always where I find the most joy. I'm so glad that God is in the details of life. He knows just what we need and when we need it. Even in the bad or the good, He's never left, but we've sooooo left Him to take control of our own life. I'm thankful today that He's showing me that today matters. What we do with today could be the difference in the legacy we leave behind. I don't know about you, but I'm stopping today to realize I'm blessed beyond words. There's no room in my life for feeling sorry for self, making my own agenda, complaining, griping, accusing, being lazy. There's only time to laugh so hard that my cheeks hurt!

UPDATE:
Right after I posted this, I read this quote... "Until you have given up your self to Him you will not have a real self..." CS Lewis

Couch Time

In an attempt to spend time with my husband tonight, we're having "couch time." You may have heard of it. You take time to sit and focus on spending time together talking to each other, about each other's interests or enjoying just being! Tonight, couch time will last about three hours, while we watch THIS........

A Challenge

To all of my girlfriends... Here's a great challenge for you to take part in, and no, it's not to make you lose weight, but I guess it could relate back to that somehow...not sure how, but somehow! ;)
I'm excited to do this, but I think this is somewhat easy for me to want to do because my husband makes it VERY easy to love him and encourage him. I fail so much at being consistent to demonstrate that to him though, and I always want to be teachable, so I'm excited to participate in this 30 Day challenge. Make sure you read how to sign up and then hop to it!

During the next month or so, we are fasting at LifeSong every Wednesday. We are doing this because we are wanting to remove ourselves out of the way as we look to make some big decisions in the life of our church. We are fasting to hear from Him...to just plain and simple hear from Him. We are not asking for the details about our decisions, but we are joining our hearts in one accord as He speaks to us individually, so that we may contribute corporately. It may mean fasting from food, or fasting from things that take your attention and distract you. I won't share in which way I've participated, but I want to share just what God showed me this past Wednesday.

I woke up in a cold sweat on Wednesday morning. I had such an unsettling dream - the kind that just sticks with you all day. It proved one thing to me. I had better start praying right then! I have been in such a season of discontentment and loneliness lately. To me, I felt it was just the discontentment and loneliness of the human sort, but deep down I knew that wasn't true. It was completely a spiritual thing for me. I was discontent in my relationship with God, and you can imagine where that led me...right to the arms of loneliness! I found myself not even longing for God. I could go days without even thinking about Him. I just didn't care. I never kept myself away from surrounding myself with the things of God. I went to services every Sunday. I planned things for Women's ministry. I even went on a mission trip. It all left me unfulfilled. I guess the mission trip probably was really the straw that broke the camel's back. We were in Las Vegas. I've been numerous times before. I noticed the same things there as before, but this time, it drove straight to my heart. All I could see was what my life must look like on the inside.
Everything looked like one big distraction...one big mess. That's exactly how I felt on the inside. I was miserable.

In many ways, I would rather live in Vegas. It is more like what I'm used to. I grew up in places that were melting pots of people. They didn't live there all their lives. Everybody didn't know everybody, thus everybody didn't know everything about everybody. Sometimes living in a small town, for me, has proved to be the biggest challenge of my life. It was pretty much what was going on in my life at the time. All I associated with small town living was low expectations, no one takes initiative to have relationships and to show someone you really loved them was like speaking a foreign language. This was just so different for me. Growing up overseas, when God changed people, He gave them a joy that was amazing. They couldn't stop smiling. All I was seeing here was hurt. People act like they have it bad, but had no clue how good they really had it. They succumbed to the demon of busyness, and think that's how it's supposed to be. I was becoming just like my surroundings. I don't blame my surroundings, but I was definitely taking on that character because I thought that was how you are supposed to be. All it has been doing to me is making me sick and tired of being sick and tired.
This all leads to what God showed me on Wednesday. I have sooooooo been controlled by fear. It's been that way most of my life. Even in the comfort of being reminded of how I grew up as we traveled to Vegas, I was confronted with it. I am so scared to fail. I'm so scared to let people down. I'm scared to be set a part from the crowd because I'm different. Fear has just been controlling me. I kept myself in situations that never challenged me to overcome it...from my relationships, to my weight, to me wanting to try a new career and not doing it. I had created a cocoon of fear for my life. I was so miserable. God spoke to me on Wednesday to make a change. It's crazy how I sooooo have to go rock bottom and be hurt, be lonely, be the one to hurt and be the one to cause lonliess, before I realize how desperately I need God. I have sensed God speaking to me for the past three weeks now. You have to understand...up to that point, I had not heard a word from Him in a very long time. I had the right mask on. You may not have even known. I wasn't hearing Him utter a word at all to me, though! Suddenly I began to hear Him challenge me to really pray for our upcoming Ladies' Night (This Night) at LifeSong. I almost knew before getting there that He was going to do something good. He did. You can read about it here. Little did I know that Wednesday He would bring me to my knees and be desperate.

Am I over my fear? No! Am I allowing myself to be controlled by it? No way! I realized that I was trying to create situations within my friendships, in church, and my home that would be what I thought I had to have to be happy. It's not what God has called me to do. I have realized that He is totally not calling me to be what you, or anyone else, thinks I should be. He calls me to be what HE wants me to be. Sometimes the road to that isn't so bad, but most of the time it's hard. If it's hard for me, you most likely have witnessed it as I go through it. I won't be silent when things aren't going well. If I can't use my inconsistencies, trials, hard traveled roads to show how God is my Deliverer, then I might has well shut it down. God has not called us to share the easy. He's called us to be real. I don't want to live today and not be the most real that I can be. It risks being talked about. It risks being hurt. It risks being a failure, but it is so worth the risk to me. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." I love that He challenges us to not be in the box. He challenges us to live each day, realizing we have got more blessings than we can count, and when we realize this, we need to LIVE it and stop waiting on someone else to do it for us. We have to live each day and do what He has called us to do...not what He's called our neighbor to do.

A Little Sweet for Your Sweet Tooth

This is a picture of my table last night for This Night, a ladies' night we have at our church. I was inspired by this and this catalog. Our theme of the night was "This Night...A Night of Restoration." I think this has restoration about it, don't you?

First Week of School

So far, the first week of school has been a hit. I would love to show you pictures of my 6th, 4th and 2nd grader...if only my camera wasn't BROKEN! Ugh! I am so heartbroken. I just got that camera about four months ago, and KAPUT! It is just as blank of a screen as a screen can be. I cannot function without my camera, so hopefully I'll find a solution soon! ;)

Anyway, back to school starting. We are in love with all of the girls' teachers. God just seemed to fit them each with someone that they are great with, and we look forward to seeing where this year takes us. So far, not a lot of homework, but I am pretty sure the tone on that will change next week.

Quinn and I have been hanging out together and making up for a lot of cuddle time lost during the summer, because "little one" had to go off and follow BIG sissies everywhere they went. Now, we are using this week to watch a LOT of Dora together, having breakfast with my girlfriends, getting a sitter for Quinn so MOMMY can have breakfast with girlfriends, and of course, SHOPPING! ;) I am loving catching up on my time with her. It makes me a much nicer Mommy with the BIG girls come home everyday. I'm just sayin'! Now, if only we can get this week to stretch out all the way to MAY!

I'm hoping to resume my Monday Menu Planning on Monday. I miss my routine. I have really missed blogging. I don't have a large following, but I'm thankful for this blog world that indulges me to write out my feelings, document my days and just have a journal of our lives to look back on.

Hope your school year has started off to a bang. How have you indulged yourself this week? What are you doing to get back on track?

Right now, I'm off to cuddle with a sweet two and a half year old that is calling for "MaaaaaaaMaaaaaa!" Oooooh, I LOVE THAT!