Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Shoes, or Barefoot?

I have a love for shoes! Now, I'm not one of those people that has a gazillion shoes, but I do have a passion to find a shoe that is different, but must be at a great price! I have recently bought two pairs of shoes for $7 a piece. One pair I've had my eye on all summer, and the other was just one of those "I did not go to buy a pair of shoes today, but how can I pass these up" kind of moments. I could NOT pass up the fact that they had been $70, and I got them for $7...well, really $6.99, but you get the idea. I LOVE these shoes, but the thing is, I cannot walk in them for very long. They hurt my feet, and they are a heel, so being a person that doesn't really wear heels very often (I'm 5'10", so heels are just making the fact I'm already taller than everyone a bigger fact!), they are a lot to get used to. I love them, though, so I'm willing to endure the pain...for a little while. The same is really true for my other pair of new shoes, too. They hurt my feet at first. They are a different shoe, though...a flat. They are beautiful, though! They are shiny red and a statement maker! I love them.

It's funny to me, though, how both pairs of shoes pretty much sum up my life the last few months though. They both are characterized by pain! One pair is much more painful than the other, and the second pair is only slightly painful. Both cause me pain pretty much because I choose to let them. I don't mind it at first, but then I get sick of it and I'm ready to find something that hurts a lot less, which for me, will always mean going barefoot! As much as I adore a cute shoe, you will never find me roaming around my house wearing a shoe at all! I simply can't stand to wear them! I invariably get tired of anything that binds me, causes me pain, or makes me feel that I'm suffocating.

Same, once again, for my life right now. What a season it's been for me. One that has been characterized by pain of MY choosing. Sounds so sadistic, huh? I mean, who would really choose pain? Sometimes we do because it's a safety net for us. As much as we want out of the pain, we stay right there because we almost become accustomed to it. To do what it takes to get rid of it sometimes scares us more than just living with it. We walk around thinking that all the things that have caused us pain in our lives are just how it's supposed to be, and even when something better and more freeing comes along (you know, a cute pair of shoes), we still think that things are going to go sour. Ugh! Get's kind of YUCK to live like that. We become someone we know we are not, all for the sake of keeping up appearances, our masks on, or just because we're scared.

Fact is, God has called us to walk in freedom. WALK! He's equipped us to be just who it is He wants us to be by fitting us with the proper shoes...ones that don't necessarily hurt all the time, but just might in order for us to become more like Him. And then there's that time when He says, "Kick off your shoes and run barefoot!" And yet, sometimes that even hurts, but it is still freedom!

This is just where I've found myself this summer. I've allowed circumstances, people and my own fears to dictate to me what each of those things "think" I'm supposed to be. I've lived most everyday in a shadow of gloom and doom, anticipating something bad coming around the corner, all the while missing out on the very freedom God has for me. It's a cycle for me...one that takes me a different route every time, but one that always leads me right back to the same answer! I need to put on the proper shoes everyday and just WALK with Him. I don't always make the right choices, much like when I choose a real shoe. Sometimes I pick pain and sometimes I pick that shoe that I could wear all day long, and maybe even run in! All I know is that you can never stop choosing to do it! You can't give up.

I may find myself needing to blog about this again one day. I may not know just what to do today, but I know that He gave me this day and to sit around and do nothing won't get me anywhere. Today, I am choosing to walk in the way of my Father. It's taken me a lot of months and a lot of people making me feel like I'm nothing...and most of all, I've made myself feel like a nobody. I'm thankful that today I can step out in whatever shoe I choose and know that I'm stepping out with Him!


Christina said...

Love this and love you! Ditto on everything!!

Vanessa said...

Thanks for sharing.